I wanted to raise an important topic since there are many students, teachers, and parents in my friends list. So someone told me about a story that could easily be your or mine. She told me that in class 9th she had an on and off relationship for 8 months, after which she dumped the guy because of reasons you’ll probably understand better when you read about what happened later.

The boy in question (a 15 year old kid) wanted to seek “revenge” for being dumped. And his mode of revenge was not very different from what most males do when their ego is slighted by a female i.e. he started attacking her character. He spread nasty rumours about her, morphed her photographs and shared them among his peers. He even saved his friend’s number in her name, engaged in mock-sexting with his friend saved the screenshots and spread it amongst their classmates. There were some other equally horrible bullying tactics implemented and he did not stop until the matter reached the authorities. What did the classmates do? They slut-shamed her. What did the teachers, principal, and parents do? They also slut-shamed her.

The authorities pinned the blame on ‘both’ of them for ‘dating’ and creating in general ‘nuisance’ in school. Their parents were called and both of them were humiliated and reprimanded. Although the girl was not suspended, the boy was for 3 days for a crime he should have (in my humble opinion), been imprisoned for (cyberbullying). Post the episode, for his classmates he became a victim AND hero while the girl ended up being ostracized by friends, teachers, and parents alike.

This is not an uncommon story. Girls in her position are beaten up by parents for bringing “shame” to their family (if not killed), married off quickly against their will, and their story becomes a moral lesson for rest of the ‘good girls’ from ‘good families’. The boy? In all likelihood, he’ll be smirking today, moving on from one abusive relationship to another. The likes of him end up throwing acid at women when they are at the receiving end of unrequited love. He will continue to abuse any unfortunate woman his family marries him to in exchange of big fat dowry and a fortuner. Molestation and rape are not a farfetched option in response to his masculinity being hurt. All because the society: you, me, his teachers, his parents, his principal, the girl’s parents told him that the cost of harassing a woman is 3 day off from school and hero worship.

Take it from a counselor, for many teenagers, infatuations, dating, sexting, exchanging of nude images, and sex is a fact of life. So is smoking, drinking, and experimenting with drugs. Denial will do no authority figure any good. Openly talking about various taboo topics ranging from safe sex, consent, harassment, abuse, and how to deal with being hurt is the real education you can give to the next generation. Otherwise we’re just raising assholes masquerading as heros and true victims being held as perpetrators and willing partner in their victimization.

If you’re a parent, know that this could easily be your son/daughter.
If you’re a student, know that hurting is not the best revenge, happiness is.
If you’re an educator, know that we can do our jobs better.

I love dogs. So I observe them very closely. I find something very common in stray dogs. A lot of them are very scared and wary of human touch. Even if I try to come close to pat them or feed them, they usually run away and then from behind a bush or a tree they test my real intentions before they come out to be loved. Even in receiving love it seems like they have an escape route planned out in their hand, just in case I attack it. I think that’s really sad.

Some human beings become like that. On receiving end of cruelty and harshness of life, some people become wary of happiness and love. You become hardened, stone like so no harsh word can ever break you down again. But ironically, a few kind words are all it takes to break you down. We’re building a world where cruelty is the norm and kindness an exception.

Ajeeb hai daastaan e dil, 
dard ke aadi ho gaye hai hum, 
ki thoda sa bhi pyaar kar jaata hai aakhain num

I had the most interesting flight experience. So I started chatting with a passenger next to me, a cardiologist in a reputed hospital. We started discussing about psychology and psychiatry in general when I told him about my PhD work in the area of High Functioning Autism. He seemed to be very intrigued with it. His eyes lit up and we talked about it for some time as I never let go of the opportunity to educate lay about the enigmatic Asperger’s Syndrome. About half an hour later he tells me, his son has it and he thinks he’s on the spectrum too. Apparently his grandfather had it too. He said his medical experiences made him have a hunch long back, he read up on it and told me about his very brilliant son who lacks in socialization and communication. He tells me about himself, his eidetic memory (photographic memory), his brilliance in his field, been a gold medalist. He says he got better with age and so will his son. I asked him, perhaps his intelligence helped him compensate for his social deficits? That he learned to socialize and communicate better with age, but in essence he was and is different and so is his son. Different but not lesser. Surprisingly he hasn’t shared this with anyone, not even with his wife. I told him, isn’t it burdensome to carry such information? He just smiled.

It’s not uncommon in the West for Aspies to be in science fields. People who are open about their differences. But in India even though there are many with Asperger’s, very few people have heard of Asperger’s or autism. Quite a few psychologists and psychiatrists also unfortunately do not really get this enigmatic condition. Some people with Asperger’s spend their entire lives without ever knowing a term called Asperger’s exists. I know for sure, a brilliant cardiologist in Delhi today has not been able to reconcile with his identity because you and I are uncomfortable with being different

Although a sense of humour is in general an attractive quality in human beings, but is humour a more feminine or masculine quality?

A young girl shared today. To be the funny one in her friends group makes some guys uncomfortable. A typical gender conforming scenario is for the guys to crack the jokes and girls to laugh out in as lady like manner as possible. I’ve observed that men try to get the better of funny women and like to have the last laugh.

Does a sense of humour make a woman less feminine? Does it emasculate men unconsciously to be with women funnier than them? Is that why we have more male stand up comedians than women?

When you’re a psychologist and a student comes to you looking all serious, “ma’am can I talk to you please. It’s very important”, you’re bound to expect the worst. My mind inevitably goes to suicide and depression. Bracing myself emotionally and mentally for the overwhelming wave of pain that is about to follow.
Very rarely do I get, “ma’am do you have a charger? My phone has run out of battery”
But when that happens, I do take a moment to heave a sigh of relief and realise Freud was right, sometimes a cigar is just a charger.

Got stopped by traffic police for having my phone in hand which I was using for Google Maps. 
Distraction, supreme court order and some other random nonsense was mentioned. 
Just pay 100 Rs. I won’t confiscate your license. 
Where do you stay? South Delhi toh bahut accha area hai. What do you do? Arrey college main padhaate toh aap. XY college? Madam aapko ek baat bolu, bura mat maan na. Par meri duty lagi hui thi XY ke paas. Waha pe bahut saari college ki ladkiya itni smoking karti thi, kya baataayu main aapko. Aap kuch sikhaayo unko.

Me: I don’t get paid for giving random unsolicited advice, neither do you. You do your job and let me do mine.

As a parent, would the first preference for your child be a government school? Why not?
As a parent, would the first preference for your child be a private college in India? Why not?

The state of government schools in most indian states is in shambles. Private schools seem to be the only option but their sky rocketing fees and failure to impart quality education, have led to mushrooming of tuition and coaching centres. Those who can afford move ahead in the success race, those who cannot open a pakora stall.

Imagine what privatization in higher education do?

Public funded education is not charity, it’s a duty of the state.

FYI government raised the education cess this year. So it’s collecting billions of tax-payers money in the name of education, but it tells the universities that “you’re *free* to raise money on your own for your functioning” hoorah!

If the universities are ‘free’ to raise money to function, then why collect education cess? Where is the tax-payers money in the name of education actually going?